i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
