Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
