omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
