remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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