i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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