You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
