btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
