We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
