after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
