Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
