we have officially lost it.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just had sex bonerless
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
