I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
