I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
