i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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