There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
