dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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