Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
