K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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