well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
What a dumb baby whore.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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