Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
