I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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