I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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