I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
