I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
