Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
