she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
