I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
