Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
