Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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