we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
