i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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