I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
