when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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