I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
