That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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