that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize