I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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