thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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