I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
