Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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