I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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