After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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