Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
