Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
