She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
