You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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