that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
