Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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