hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
