Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
