bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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