Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
