Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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