The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
