I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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