dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize