you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
