I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
