how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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