Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
