All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
