I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
