i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
