You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
