well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
