She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
