Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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