By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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