i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize