I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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