dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
