Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
